Monday, 18 December 2017

Living with a shy personality and social anxiety

Growing up I have always been a shy person. I was always the quiet girl in class- not looking at people's eyes when talking, not putting my hands up when I got a question or definitely know the answer the teacher just asked, and most importantly, not standing up and defending for myself when I needed to.

However, I thought it was completely normal because it really didn't cause anyone trouble. I saw myself as the quiet and 'uncool' or average girl in class. It was only until recent years that I realised how extremely shy and self-conscious am I of a person. Going to interviews scare the crap out of me. I would not get a good night's sleep, so naturally on the day I would be tired as hell. I would drink a coffee (or two) just so to mentally and physically prepare myself for it. Now you may think: okay but this is how most people feel too. Trust me, I fake it so well that you don't even see how much I'm sweating and how fast my heart is beating with a million thoughts/ second racing in my mind. Meeting new people and going to social events scares me. My hands would get all clammy and shaky and I would get so self-conscious of myself that I constantly think that people are judging me at this very moment. Sometimes people think that I'm hard to approach and very high-maintenance because I don't talk much, but that's simply because I'm afraid that anything I say would somehow annoy or offend you. I secretly want to talk to you so bad and befriend you, but it's just so hard.

However, this makes me extremely grateful for the friends I have made in my life and people who I consider my loved ones. You make me feel comfortable, wanted and most importantly, you turn my weaknesses into strengths. I still haven't 100% conquered my fears of meeting new people and going to interviews and social events, but it is something I am working on. This topic is a long one- perhaps I'll share more of my stories in future posts.







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