Monday, 18 December 2017

Living with a shy personality and social anxiety

Growing up I have always been a shy person. I was always the quiet girl in class- not looking at people's eyes when talking, not putting my hands up when I got a question or definitely know the answer the teacher just asked, and most importantly, not standing up and defending for myself when I needed to.

However, I thought it was completely normal because it really didn't cause anyone trouble. I saw myself as the quiet and 'uncool' or average girl in class. It was only until recent years that I realised how extremely shy and self-conscious am I of a person. Going to interviews scare the crap out of me. I would not get a good night's sleep, so naturally on the day I would be tired as hell. I would drink a coffee (or two) just so to mentally and physically prepare myself for it. Now you may think: okay but this is how most people feel too. Trust me, I fake it so well that you don't even see how much I'm sweating and how fast my heart is beating with a million thoughts/ second racing in my mind. Meeting new people and going to social events scares me. My hands would get all clammy and shaky and I would get so self-conscious of myself that I constantly think that people are judging me at this very moment. Sometimes people think that I'm hard to approach and very high-maintenance because I don't talk much, but that's simply because I'm afraid that anything I say would somehow annoy or offend you. I secretly want to talk to you so bad and befriend you, but it's just so hard.

However, this makes me extremely grateful for the friends I have made in my life and people who I consider my loved ones. You make me feel comfortable, wanted and most importantly, you turn my weaknesses into strengths. I still haven't 100% conquered my fears of meeting new people and going to interviews and social events, but it is something I am working on. This topic is a long one- perhaps I'll share more of my stories in future posts.







Keep in touch! XO

Instagram: @stephanieso
Twitter: @stephanieso_


Email: info.stephyt@gmail.com

Tuesday, 5 December 2017

Anxious uncertainty; unforeseeable future

Identity crises- it is real and legitimate, you all. I repeat, it is real. As long as I am aware I have been suffering from identity crisis for WELL over a year now and it absolutely sucks. Everyday, you wake up and there is at least one moment that you think to yourself: who am I? what am I supposed to be? It took me more than 8 months to come back to this blog and decide what I should talk about because I felt like the past few posts I just did just so I have some content on here; typing this blog post took me more than 10, 11 tries because I simply did not know what to talk about. It's a struggle. Not to mention the frequent anxiety and depression that comes with it- it hits you like a truck. It's absolutely crazy I know because some people simply think that you're just being sensitive and overdramatic and immature.

During the past 8 months of being gone, I've been doing some thinking. A LOT of thinking. But frankly, it didn't really get me anywhere since I still do not know what I should be doing in life; in my studies, post graduation or in the future. It just seems...so bleak? 8 months absolutely whizzed by and two years later I will be a Fashion Technology graduate. Darn.

Whilst being gone I've been trying some things I like (haven't reached the stage of love or with mad passion though) e.g. photography, gym and being healthy and all that, and just simply enjoying life. Here's a little throwback to September, when days were longer and my skin was tanner.

If you are currently suffering from or have suffered from identity crisis, I feel for you deeply. And I hope that one day, we both will get out from this. Oh, and if you came from Instagram- hello! I really appreciate it. And I hope you'll come back for my next blog post!






Keep in touch! XO

Instagram: @stephanieso
Twitter: @stephanieso_


Email: info.stephyt@gmail.com